


Kamikaze Karaoke Yuugi-Oh style

by Felidae5



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Other, Silly, Songfic, Stupidfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-15 01:44:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17519822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Felidae5/pseuds/Felidae5
Summary: What the title says. Alcohol, karaoke, a birthday party and in the middle averydisgruntled Seto. And it just keeps getting worse for the CEO. Mostly Seto POV.





	1. Chapter 1

Ok, real quick, this was inspired by two Monty Python songs and a little something my friends and I do whenever we get the chance to Karaoke. There are three variations  
1): randomly pick a song from the list without looking or have the KJ do so  
2): write any amount of songs on paper slips, fold, mingle and draw  
3.) have the others pick a song for you  
Is it embarassing? You have no idea. Is it fun? If you're high or drunk enough.  
Again, this is a stupidfic. Read accordingly. Also, it's a Seto-torture fic.  
So far to the preliminaries; read on and enjoy!^^

Felidae

Disclaimer: none of the songs or characters used in this story are mine. They're being used without permission or profit.  
Warnings: Teen+ for lyrics 

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Kamikaze Karaoke from Hell -Yuugi-Oh style_

 

1

This was a bad idea.  
Why on earth - _how_ on earth- could he ever have agreed to this?  
Never mind if it was Mokuba's fifteenth birthday.  
It was still a horrendously bad idea.  
Seated in the most secluded corner of the massive, maroon, custom-crafted comfy leather couch ruling the Karaoke room(because _of course_ the Kaiba Manor had one, just like it had a DDR floor), Kaiba Seto put on his most casual scowl, trying very hard _not_ to show his irritation.  
So far, the party had been rather pleasent; most of the food had been eaten, nothing except one single, cheap glas(by Kaiba measures) had been broken and despite the alcohol which had been consumed up to this point, there had been no too great escalations.  
But now the group was tipsy enough to try their luck at Karaoke.  
Seto glanced at Mokuba; since it was his birthday, he had been allowed each one glass of wine, champagne and a normal beer.  
Currently, the teen was clinging to an alcohol-free ginger beer and laughing at the suggestions made by the others.  
Again, Seto gave a low sigh, nursing his own Chablis and letting his eyes roam over the guests assembled.  
Yuugi had experienced a belated growth spurt; still a tad bit shorter than the rest, he at least now was nigh on Ryou's height.  
The quiet British was unusally hyped up; the CEO argued wether it was actually from the wine, champagne or rather the outrageous amount of Gummibears he had devoured. Speaking of which..why was Otogi wearing a necklace made of candies? On the other hand, he didn't wanted to know.  
What intrigued him more was, when and where did make-inu -pardon, Jounouchi- learn appropriate table-manners? He had been baffled, to say the least. Then again, it had been two years since graduation, so...  
Far more disturbing was Hiroto's change of hairstyle. No more sharkfin, instead some KPop-idol-themed slick-spike-moussed mess with highlights that just looked-  
rather at Anzu. Out of the nerd squad, she was the one who had changed both the least and most.  
The angles of her face had sharpened, and there was a very distinct way she moved. Also, there was a certain saucy smirk that didn't fit her.  
Seto looked around the room once more and decided he needed more alcohol.  
Reaching for the bottle of Chablis(and when did he start drinking like a fish?), he heard Jou's unmistakable tenor shout:  
"Chotto, how about Kamikaze Karaoke?"  
Yep, definetly needed much more alcohol. 

He left the room as fourth, while the other were deciding on what image-destructing, vile song they would have him perform. The looks they had given him when he moved out the door... Seto shuddered in apprehension.  
For a moment, he was inklined to change the Karaoke room's sign to 'Here there be monsters', but decided against it.  
Better to find more alcohol.  
A bottle of scotch snatched from the basement bar connecting the various event rooms(because _of course_ there was a basement bar in the manor)later, Seto waltzed back to the Karaoke room, just as Mokuba slid outside.  
"Oh hey," he called, beaming at his elder brother, "we picked a great song for you, nii-san!"  
"I'm sure you did, Mokuba," replied the brunet, his sarcasm only just concealing the slur of his tongue.  
Back inside, he was greeted by chuckles and tell-tale gazes, and again he shuddered inwardly.  
Maybe he ought to rename the Karaoke Room? Could he get the rights to Temple of Doom? TM  
"Ok, everybody put their numers back in, so we can pick whom you get to dedicate your song to!"  
Wait, what? When did that happen? Why dedicate -as in dedicate -as-oh no, no way in  
"And remember you have to try to sway your chosen one's heart! Oh, and don't open the paperslips forehand, it's funnier if you don't now whom you're going to sing for!" cheered Yuugi.  
Hell.

Yuugi went first; as the machine started up and the text appeared, he said,  
"Well, I dedicate my song to-" he froze, as he read the name on the slip of paper and then the song title.  
"..Anzu?" Behind him, supressed snorts and giggles could be heard, even as the star duelist blushed extreme strawberry.  
"I..uh..oh Gods, uhm, ok."  
Determinded, he swerved around and went,  
_"Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me!_ "  
Anzu's jaw dropped seventeen floors, even as the rest of the group roared in hilarity. Yuugi meanwhile was marching around in rythm with the song, eyes never leaving Anzu's. With fevor and a more than unbecoming blush, he continued,

_I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too_  
I love to hear you oralise  
When I'm between your thighs  
You blow me away  


By know, Otogi was rolling on the lover's seat, and Honda tried desperately to draw in lungfulls of air. Jou and Ryou were polite enough to stay seated upright, but Mokuba had no inclination to do so. Seto merely smirked, as he watched his arch-rival make a complete ass of himself.  
Perhaps this wasn't all bad...  
Yuugi on the other hand was just about to falter when he sang the final verse,

_Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you_  
I'll sit on your face and let my love be truly  
Life can be fine  
if we both sixty-nine  
If we sit on our faces  
in all sorts of places  
and play  
Till we're blown away  


He saluted the group with a gusto, though really just wanted to find a paperbag to hide his face. Everybody applauded, even Anzu, though she dare not look him in the eye. They passed each other, Yuugi handing over the microphone, both of them sporting crimson splotches on their faces.  
The others settled, as the brunette glanced at the screen. Her blue eyes first widened, then narrowed in thought. Looking at the number she had drawn, a slow smirk crept across her features.  
Time for retribution.  
Swerving around, she shouted,  
"Yuugi, this one's for you!  


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Bad cliffie, I know. Also, I have most songs used here in my collection. Go figure.  



	2. 2

Forgot to mention, the whole _drawing names to see whom to sing to_ thing is something I came up with for this fic. It's really just for laughs.

I used all English songs, since I don't know any dirty Japanese songs -well aside of _Shimonetta_ , but that's an entirely different story. Also, Seto doesn't know much about the songs used, given that his curriculum would have provided him with more Jacques Ibert than Eric Idle.

Felidae

 

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  
2 

Taking on a sad, almost timid pose, Anzu sighed,  


_I was feeling done in_  
Couldn't win  
I'd only ever kissed before  


Eyes of various shapes and shades glanced at Yuugi, knowing smirks going around.  


_I thought there's no use getting_  
Into heavy petting  
It only leads to trouble  
And seat wetting  


Mokuba snorted up his ginger beer, even as Seto raised an eyebrow.  


_Now all I want to know_  
Is how to go  
I've tasted blood  
and I want more  


Anzu's stance and expression had changed, rolling her shoulders in a sexy fashion she purred,  


_I'll put up no resistance_  
I want to stay the distance  
I've got an itch to scratch  
I need assistance  


Her left hand fluttered up and down her body, as she threw her head back.  


_Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me_  
I wanna be dirty  
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me  
Creature of the night  


She prowled towards Yuugi, whose breath hitched,  


_Then if anything grows_  
While you pose  
I'll oil you up  
And rub you down  


Anzu's hand made circular motions on the duelist's chest,  


_And that's just one small fraction_  
Of the main attraction  
You need a friendly hand  
And I need action  


She snatched his hand and placed it on her left hip, sensualy rocking her body in rythm to her singing.  


_Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me_  
I wanna be dirty  
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me  
Creature of the night  


Yuugi looked ready to crawl into a hole and die.  
Or pass out from blood loss.  
Either way, he sat stock-still, mortified, as Anzu brushed her body up and down his chest, her movements growing more languid,  


_Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me_  
I wanna be dirty  
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me  
Creature of the night  
Oh, touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me  
I wanna be dirty  
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me  


Wolf whistles and hollers shouted through the room, as the dancer-in-training gave her long-time crush what could easily be considered a lapdance. Seto realized he would need to go in search for even more alcohol, especially once Yuugi woke from his trance and shyly wrapped his hands around Anzu's waist.  


_Creature of the night_  
Creature of the night  
Creature of the night  
Creature of the night  
Creature of the night  
Creature of the night  
Creature of the night  
Creature of the night  


The brunette was giving it her all, as she shook and shimmied back and forth, up and down and, on the last repeat  


_Creature of the night!_  


placed both feet on Yuugi's shoulders, clutching to his shirt for support.  
Everything went dead silent  
-and then the whole group cheered and howled in approval, even as Anzu detangled herself from her friend and gave him a cheerful wink. Who looked like a miniature volcano ready to erupt at any moment.  
Seto scowled, then decided he needed more scotch.  
Two down, six more to go.  
..at what point was it appropriate for a host to fire his guests?

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Ahh, the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I love the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Don't you love the Rocky Horror Picture Show? Everybody does. Well, everybody should.  



	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I admit, it took me a while to get these songs together. While some were basically predestined from the very first note, with other characters it was very much try-and-error. Of course, I could have gone with Barbie Girl, but that's been done to death. So no, no Barbies here. Matta.
> 
> Felidae

3  
Everybody gathered around Anzu, complimenting her on her dance moves and ribbing Yuugi, who obviously considered throwing himself off the next balcony(not the pier, Yuugitachi are a little sensitive about that).  
Good.  
The scotch tasted sooo much better witnessing his rival's embarassment.  
Speaking of which, he felt like now was as good a time as any to step out...  
"Ara, Seto, where you off to? You're next."  
Oh for-

No problem.  
He got this. He got this.  
Once the bunch of overgrown drunk kindergardners had seated their collective asses, that is.  
He took the time to look at the screen, read the song title(enter characteristic tilt of the brow), then the name on his slip of paper.  
He read it again, did a double-take as cold sweat broke out on his entire body.  
Swearving around he roared, "STOOOOOOOOOP!!!" and crossed the room with three long strides, grabbed his half-full scotch bottle and emtpied it in four large gulps.  
For a moment, the room tilted, everything swam and he thought he would throw up. Just barely able to keep it in, he wiped his lips with the back of his hand.  
He hiccupped, once, drew a deep breath and for a moment felt as if he actually could spew fire(Ryuji scowled at the missed opportunity of lighting a match).  
Tossing the bottle carelessy into a corner, he grabbed the microphone, pointed at the assembled and yelled,  
"Kimi! Jounouchi! Pay attention, I don't like repeating myself!"  
A terrified expression flittered across Jou's face, even as Seto began moving, then drawled,

 _Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen_  
_Tonight we'll put all other things aside_  
_Give in this time and show me some affection_  
_We're going for those pleasures in the night_  
_I want to love you, feel you_  
_Wrap myself around you_  
_I want to squeeze you, please you_  
_I just can't get enough_  
_And if you move real slow I'll let it go_

Pheh, as if Anzu could compete with _his_ pelvic thrust(if I have to explain, go read something else)

 _I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it_  
_I'm about to lose control and I think I like it_  
_I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it_  
_And I know, I know, I know, I know I know_  
_I want you_

Jounouchi was desperately trying to remember where the emergency exit was positioned, when Seto closed in on him.  
One leather-clad shoe was strategically placed on the wall next to him, endless long leg effectively blocking his route of escape, even as the brunet looked -ok, leered at him.  
One long, slender finger came down and grazed a strong jaw, while Seto carried on,

 _We shouldn't even think about tomorrow_  
_Sweet memories will last a long, long time_  
_We'll have a good time baby, don't you worry_  
_And if we're still playing 'round, boy that's just fine_

Pushing himself off the wall and swerving around(and almost falling over)the CEO carooned,

 _Let's get excited, we just can't hide it_  
_I'm about to lose control and I think I like it_  
_I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it_  
_And I know, I know, I know, I know I know_  
_I want you, I want you_

Jou looked more than a little worried, as Seto had his own little egoparty(no, not..nevermind).  
He did a couple of rather nice step sequences, though being anything but sober, and Jou wondered idly, if Seto was a closet ballet dancer.  
However, nothing could have prepared him for the brunet sliding across the floor on his knees, leap to his feet and straddle Jou's thighs.  
Blond brows shot up, even as several jaws went south, when Seto began to _grind_.

 _I want to love you, feel you_  
_Wrap myself around you_  
_I want to squeeze you, please you_  
_I just can't get enough_  
_And if you move real slow_  
_I'll let it go_

Seto fisted the blond's mane, mashing Jounouchi's face against his pecs and trying to suffocate him with his silk dress shirt.  
Panicked, Jou managed to pry his head from the muscular planes, not that it stopped Seto's hopping up and down any.  
The blond's mouth formed a surprised, silent 'o'.

 _I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it_  
_I'm about to lose control and I think I like it_  
_I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it_  
_And I know, I know, I know, I know._  
_I want you I want you_

He lurched forward with the last note, steading himself on the wall.  
Heavily panting, Seto gazed down at Jounouchi, sweat dripping from his forehead, as he gauged the blond's reaction.  
Who gave him a level look, then drawled,  
"I can see how exited you are. I can also _feel_ it."  
He smirked, letting his gaze drop to Seto's crotch.  
And the rather prominent bulge, too.  
Needless to say, the ensuing laughter was deafening.  
Fuck Karaoke. The hell with Karaoke.  
Damage control, now.  
The tall brunet tried to propel himself away from the blond, lost his balance and, before Jou could react, fell flat on his back.  
Ok. Fine. Swearing off alcohol, as of two years ago.  
Jou clucked his tongue appreciatevly. Then again, who could fault him? With Seto's legs spread wide open, ankles resting on Jou's thighs, and the overall flustered and breathless appearance...  
In a fluid motion, Jou slid to his knees, moved up Seto's body(because of course) and, letting his groin just barely breeze Seto's, growled,  
"Invitiation accepted. I hope your bedroom is soundproof."  
Seto went rigor mortis for all but three seconds, then eeped and scrambled out from beneath the intoxciated and obviously too eager blond.  
Who mock-clawed at the CEO's retreating form, uttering a guttural roar. 

He would find the inventor of Karaoke and make it his very own personal task to _maim_ him.

 

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

*giggle* I'm sorry, but the image of Seto smothering poor Katsuya to death with his chest was simply too funny to pass up.

Edit/update: there is actually a male version of this song...I thought my brain was going to melt, when I first heard it...just..don't say I didn't warn you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tJ6qZiDKC4&list=RD4tJ6qZiDKC4&start_radio=1


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, poor Seto, it's so easy to torture him with such things. And so much fun, too. Though, he might die of alcohol poisoning by the end of this fic. I dunno. I'll see where it leads me.
> 
> Felidae

4 

The worst about being the host?  
You. Can't. Leave.  
After a prolonged bathroom stop, Seto had no choice but to return to the place of his humiliation.  
Armed with a bottle of wodka(fuck AA), he sat sulking in his chair, every so often throwing wary glances at his guests.  
The one who unnerved him most was, of course, Otogi; the dice duelist making lewd motions in his directions.  
Honda mimicking him by rubbing his own chest affectionately didn't help either.  
Yuugi and Anzu giggled and chuckled in the far corner, while Ryou kept holding his sides gasping for air.  
And Jounouchi..merely gave a knowing smirk.  
Goddamnit. 

"Ok, head's up everybody, let's hear it for -Honda Hiroto!"  
Seto perked up at the voice of his little brother.  
Sure enough, the birthday boy stood there, microphone in his hand.  
The music cued, and Seto relaxed slightly

 _Whoaa whoaa_  
Whoaa whoaa  
Vengaboys are back in town 

Anzu leapt up from her seat and started a dance routine alongside Mokuba.

 _Whoaa whoaa_  
Whoaa whoaa  
Whoaa whoaa  
Whoaa whoaa 

Seto allowed a small smile to creep on his lips, this was almost adorable.  
And then the lyrics appeared on screen

 _If you're alone and you need a friend_  
Someone to make you forget your problems  
Just come along baby, take my hand  
I'll be your lover tonight 

Wait, what?

 _Whoaa whoaa_  
This is what I wanna do  
Whoaa whoaa  
Let's have some fun  
Whoaa whoaa  
One on one just me and you  
Whoaa whoaa 

Cerulean eyes widened. No way.

 _Boom boom boom boom_  
I want you in my room  
Let's spend the night together  
From now until forever  
Boom boom boom boom  
I wanna go boom boom  
Let's spend the night together  
Together in my room 

Elegant, slender hands hastily poured two shots of wodka chasing each other.

 _Whoaa whoaa_  
Everybody get on down  
Whoaa whoaa  
Vengaboys are back in town 

Honda and Otogi had joined the fray, singing along

 _Whoaa whoaa_  
This is what I wanna do  
Whoaa whoaa  
Let's have some fun  
Whoaa whoaa  
One on one just me and you  
Whoaa whoaa 

He visibly cringed.  
Why had he agreed to his song?  
Who had corrupted his sweet innocent little brother in such a way?

 _Boom boom boom boom_  
I want you in my room  
Let's spend the night together  
From now until forever  
Boom boom boom boom  
I wanna go boom boom  
Let's spend the night together  
Together in my room 

By now everybody on stage was dancing along, Mokuba side by side with the stocky brunet.

_Boom boom boom boom_  
I want you in my room  
Let's spend the night together  
From now until forever  
Boom boom boom boom  
I wanna go boom boom  
Let's spend the night together  
Together in my room 

Why did everybody know these dance moves?  
Had he missed some retro hype?  
Was he the only who had been left out of this game?

 _Whoaa whoaa_  
Whoaa whoaa  
Whoaa whoaa  
Whoaa whoaa 

The trainwreck unfolded, as Honda and Mokuba sang duet, then continued with what looked like a cardio workout gone wrong.

 _Boom boom boom boom_  
I want you in my room  
Let's spend the night together  
From now until forever  
Boom boom boom boom  
I wanna go boom boom  
Let's spend the night together  
Together in my room 

Mokuba banged hips with Hiroto and Seto fell over sideways.

_Boom boom boom boom_  
I want you in my room  
Let's spend the night together  
From now until forever  
Boom boom boom boom  
I wanna go boom boom  
Let's spend the night together  
Together in my room 

Everybody cheered and laughed and applauded, even as Seto lay there, curled up, wodka bottle clutched in white-knuckled hands.  
Jououchi looked down at him and snorted.  
Good thing they hadn't shown the original video that went with this.

 

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Ahh, yes, Eighties and Nineties music videos...when you sometimes couldn't tell if you were watching MTV or had flipped to the Playboy Channel...


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, the song that sparked this story. It's...self-explinatory... While writing this story and rewatching these old vids, I realized that there was far more variety then than today. Admittedly, the choreography has improved a lot, but..it's all just the same.

5

It could only get better from here.   
He just knew it.   
Seto, having regained his equilibrium(all hail wodka), sat upright in his chair.   
Mokuba was still very hyped, chatting away with Anzu and Honda, every so often waving at Seto.   
The elder Kaiba returned a shaky semi-grin. 

"Ckeck-check -ne, minna-san, take a seat."   
Everybody turned to gaze at the blond, who pulled a wrinkled paper slip from his black slacks, looked at it...  
"Oh fuck no way, who-bloddy, freaking-!"   
Jou growled, hissed, cursed, swore, then accepted his fate.   
He turned around, face set in a grim smile, and pointed at the CEO, as the title appeared on screen.   
_Medical Love Song_ Seto read. That didn't sound too bad.

_Inflammation of the foreskin  
Reminds me of your smile_

Seto froze.

_I've had ballanital chancroids  
For quite a little while_

Oh Gods.

_I gave my heart to NSU_  
That lovely night in June   
I ache for you, my darling   
And I hope you get well soon 

Oh dear sweet heavenly Gods, no.

_My penile warts, your herpes  
My syphilitic sores_

For all it was worth, Jou managed to drop his voice an octave and still sound good.   
Seto couldn't have cared less.

_Your moenelial infection_  
How I miss you more and more   
Your dobie's itch, my scrumpox   
Our lovely gonnorrhea 

The brunet was in the first stages of hyperventilating.

_At least we both were lying  
When we said that we were clear_

He should have brought a paperbag along with the bottle.

_Our syphilitic kisses  
Sealed the secret of our tryst   
You gave me scrotal pustules,   
With a quick flick of your wrist_

Jou made a jerk-off movement and Seto blanched.

_Your trichovaginitis_  
Sent shivers down my spine   
I got snailtracks in my anus 

The others screeched in hilarity.   
Funny, sounded like his mind grinding to a halt.

_When your spirochetes met mine_

_Gonococcal urethritis  
Streptococcal balanitis   
Meningomyelitis   
Diplococcal catholitis   
Epidydimitis   
Interstitial keratitis   
Syphilitic coronitis   
And anterior ureitis_

The color returned to his face.   
Sadly, it was olive#78

_My clapped-out genitalia  
Is not so bad for me   
As the complete and utter failure   
Every time I try to pee_

Jounouchi, obviously taking pleasure in the brunet's anguish, bellowed,

_My doctor says my buboes  
Are the worst he's ever seen   
My scrotums painted orange   
And my balls are turning green_

Something Seto could relate to in colour...   
Kami, was Jou walking up to him?

_My heart is very tender  
But my parts are awful raw   
You might have been infected   
But you never were a bore_

The blond was kneeling next to his seat, turning warm, golden eyes on him.  
A gun would have been preffered.

_I'm dying from your love, my love,_  
I'm your spirochetal clown   
I've left my body to science,   
But I'm afraid they've turned it down 

Seto couldn't even come up with a jab at that.

_Gonococcal urethritis_  
Streptococcal balanitis   
Meningomyelitis   
Diplococcal catholitis   
Epidydimitis   
Interstitial keratitis   
Syphilitic coronitis   
And anterior ureitis 

Jou held the note, very much to everybody's delight(save for-well, duh).   
Placing the microphone onto a table, he crouched down beside the rattled brunet and hushed,   
"Relax. The worst is over."   
Yeah, right.   
That's why Otogi picked up the mic, ne?

 

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Well, that's all she wrote. Just kidding, gotta return to the other chappies. It may take a while, but the next should be up soon. Matta, thanks for reading and please remember to review, arigatou.

Felidae


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sti~ill not quite convinced not to have Seto die of a heart attack at the end of this flic...meh.

6

With an exaggerated sway of his hips the dice duelist adressed his public and, with the back to the screen, read from his paperslip,  
"My dear- Ryou, here's how I feel about you."  
There was a collective snort, as green eyes hefted on the title.  
Well, now at least everybody knew that Otogi could squeal.  
An audible gulp, as the music kicked in  


_Hey, hey, hey, Fritz_  
Your key fits nicely  
My body opens to your touch  
So ring my bell and just entice me  
I need your lovin', oh so much  
'Cause he's wild and, baby, when he aims he hits  
Oh, Fritz, I know you love my tits  


Seto buried his face in his hands.  
Sure, give the raunchiest song to the guy with the least control over his sex-drive.  


_Fritz, Fritz, beat it, Fritz_  
So take your fingers off her tits  
And if she says she loves you too  
It's a lie, oh my, it just ain't true  


Otogi almost knotted up his tongue trying to keep up with the rap.  
Again, some of the others had jumped up and were dancing along.  


_Fritz, Fritz, listen, Fritz_  
Don't tell me it's your key that fits  
You say she's yours, but I say well  
I'm gonna get you down to hell  


Pointless, since that's where he already was.  
Seto felt a migraine forming.

 _Hey, hey, hey, Fritz_  
Your key fits nicely  
My body opens to your touch  
So ring my bell and just entice me  
I need your lovin', oh, so much  
Hey, hey, hey, Fritz  
I know I thrill you  
But if you love me, please take care  
'Cause if Max gets you he will kill you  


Yeah, you wish.

 _You better watch out for him, Fritz_  
'Cause he's wild and, baby, when he aims he hits  
Oh, Fritz, I know you love my tits  


Seto sneered.  
Otogi should build up his chest before singing about tits.

_Fritz, Fritz, shut up, Fritz_  
And just stop lovin' on the Ritz  
And don't you think you're big and strong  
Because of your long-long ding-a-dong  


Gods, who wrote this?

_Fritz, Fritz, watch out, Fritz_  
You better leave your wife and kids  
You say she wants you, but I say  
You better move back home and pray  


Now _that_ would be recommendable.

_Hey, hey, hey, Fritz_  
Your key fits nicely  
My body opens to your touch  
So ring my bell and just entice me  
I need your lovin', oh so much  
'Cause he's wild and baby, when he aims he hits  
Oh, Fritz, I know you love my tits  


No, please, Otogi, no rubbing your nipples.  
There are minors present.

 _Hey, hey, hey, Fritz_  
I know I thrill you  
But if you love me, please take care  
'Cause if Max gets you he will kill you  
You better watch out for him, Fritz  
'Cause he's wild and, baby, when he aims he hits  
Oh, Fritz, I know you love my tits  
Oh, Fritz  


Seto gave a puzzled frown; why was Otogi lying on the floor?  
The wodka bottle made a comeback, when Ryuji started bucking his hips.  


_Ooh, ahhh, ahhh, ahhh, ooh_  


Memo: have the floor sanitized after this-  
oh Gods, was he dry-humping the air?  


_Hey, hey, hey, Fritz_  
Your key fits nicely  


Seto breathed in relief, when Otogi got up from the floor.  
Dancing was good, dancing was fine -wait, this _was_ Otogi...  


_My body opens to your touch_  
So ring my bell and just entice me  
I need your lovin', oh so much

Something inside the brunet just shriveled up and died, when the raven-haired dice master started sliding his hand up and down his own crotch.  
Why was nobody stopping this hellspawn?

 _Hey, hey, hey, Fritz_  
I know I thrill you  
But if you love me, please take care  
'Cause if Max gets you he will kill you  
You better watch out for him, Fritz  
'Cause he's wild and, baby, when he aims he hits  


Otogi's fingers imitated a pistol and pointed it at Seto.  
Hello stress vein, my old friend....

 _Oh, Fritz, I know you love my tits_  
Oh, Fritz  
Ooh, ahhh, ahhh, ahhh, ooh  
Oh, Fritz, love my tits

Whoops and whistles and shouts for encore..ok, no more alcohol save for him.  
Seto needed a break.  
Preferably a vacation.  
A cyanide pill would also be sufficient.

 

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

This one was...tricky. I'm not particularly fond of Otogi and wanted something..well..befitting his character. Also, I really just wanted someting inside Seto 'shrivel up and die', mehehehehehehehee..... 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I am having serious problems with editing; dunno if it's because I'm a klutz with figuring out italics, breaks and paragraps, but the more I fiddle with it, the less appealing it becomes. Again, I'm sorry for the inconvienience.

7

Ryo took the mic from Otogi as he slunked past him. The soft-spoken Brit pulled his paperslip out, glanced at the screen and drawled,  
"Well Otogi, here's my answer."  
The music cued, Seto looked at the title..and sobbed quietly.

 _I love myself_  
I want you to love me  
When I'm feelin' down  
I want you above me

Oh Gods.

 _I search myself_  
I want you to find me  
I forget myself  
I want you to remind me

Why would anybody want to remember this?

 _I don't want anybody else_  
When I think about you  
I touch myself  
Ohohoo I don't want anybody else  
Oh no, oh no, oh no

Funny, that was the mantra playing in Seto's head.  
Ryou drove a hand through his mane, swiping the hair to the side in a dramatic fashion.  
He sauntered towards Otogi, bowed down and hushed seductively,

 _You're the one who makes me come a-running_  
You're the sun who makes me shine  
When you're around I'm always laughing  
I want to make you mine

Seto closed his eyes, when a barrage of mock PDAs hit the dice duelist.  
He took another swig, ignoring his screaming liver.

 _I close my eyes_  
And see you before me  
Think I would die  
If you were to ignore me  
A fool could see  
Just how much I adore you  
I get down on my knees  
I'd do anything for you

Seto spat the wodka clear across the room, when Ryo actually kneeled between Otogi's legs.  
Dread, absolute, stupefying, fatal _dread_ crossed his soul, when the Brit shuffled ever so slightly closer to the other CEO.

 _I don't want anybody else_  
When I think about you  
I touch myself  
Ohohoo  
I don't want anybody else  
Oh no, oh no, oh no

Rising from his position, the singer moved his body seductively.  
Could nobody see the fundamental, horrendous _wrong_ of this situation?!?  
Languidly petting Ototgi's hair(who else would dare?), Ryou cooed,

 _I love myself_  
I want you to love me  
When I'm feelin' down  
I want you above me  
I search myself  
I want you to find me  
I forget myself

Oh Gods, yes.

_I want you to remind me_

Again, _why_?

 _I don't want anybody else_  
When I think about you  
I touch myself  
Ohohoo  
I don't want anybody else  
Oh no, oh no, oh no

Ryou picked up Ryuji's right hand and, rubbing it over his body, began pleasuring himself with it.  
Immediately, there was a shower of nosebleeds among the assembled, Seto excluded.  
Soft brown eyes captured shimmering green ones, a sighed,

 _I want you_  
I don't want anybody else  
And when I think about you  
I touch myself

Baring his throat, the white-maned Sennen Ring bearer moaned,

 _Ooh, oooh, oooooh, aaaaaah_  


just a little _too_ convincingly.  
Otogi's eyes rolled back in his head, when Ryou straddled him.

 _I don't want anybody else_  
And when I think about you  
I touch myself  
Ohohoo  
I don't want anybody else  
When I think about you  
I touch myself

What was with the lapdancing tonight?

_I touch myself_  


No, seriously, why did everybody want a go at it?

_I touch myself_  


Ryo rolled over on his back, still astride of Otogi, and squirmed like a horny cat.  
Seto bristled; half the glass he poured spilling over his shaking hand.

_I touch myself_  


And the nerd gang were just staring in awe.  
What was it about a desaster that enthralled people so much?

_I touch myself_  


Oh great, Dice Boy jost lost bodily control. He couldn't have the staff wipe up _that_ amount of drool.  
That would be just insultive.  
Memo: have the floor replaced.

_I honestly do_  


"And Otogi's out! Congrats, Ryou, you won!" shouted Mokuba, jumping up from his seat.  
Seto draped his arm across his eyes.  
Thank heavens for little brothers.

 

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Heheheheee, I just pictured Otogi sitting there, soul leaving his body, with a giggling Ryou on his lap...Ok, I'm taking a couple of days before the last chapter, it still needs a whole lotta tweaking. Have fun and don't be a stranger(to reviewing*cough*)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gomen, gomen, gomen, minn-san; I know I wrote to post the finaly chapter two weeks ago, but -damn if this wasn't the hardest one to write. Not only because I had to tone it down(don't worry, it's still dumb), but because I have no idea how to write Honda. Seriously, Yuugi, Seto, Jou, Mokuba, no prob. Anzu, Otogi, ..nyeh. Honda..?  
> Anyways, thanks for being patient and hanging in there; it's highly appreciated.  
> Thus, without further ado, let the bodies hit the floor.

8

 

It took a while, but finally they got Otogi coherent again. Well, into a state of semi-awareness, at least.  
Seto glowered from where he sat; long legs halfways tucked underneath him, bottle at the ready.  
Mokuba zipped over to him.  
Huge, slate-blue eyes gazed adoringly at him, with just a little too much enthusiasm to be considered healthy.  
"O-nii-san, thank you for the bestest birthday ever!" the younger Kaiba cheered and Seto had to refrain from recoiling at the pure amount of pulverized polysaccharides billowing out the teen's mouth in an almost visible vapour.  
Great.  
Mokuba on a sugar high.  
Just what the world always needed.

"Ne, minna-san, saved the best for last!" bellowed a more than slightly inebriated Honda, who rose from his spot next to Jounouchi and snatched the microphone. Rummaging through his clothes, the brunet searched for the little note.  
"Honda-kun, there's only Mokuba left!" yelled Anzu, making Seto scowl. Of course there was none other left, why did the moron even need that stupid paper slip?  
"Yeah, sure, you'se say so to sh-scare me, ne?" drawled the brunet, as he looked at the title and chuckled before lowering his gaze to the paperslip.  
The others groaned in annoyance, even as Honda stared cross-eyed at the name...  
Instant sobriety.  
With an almost audible creak, Hiroto craned his head around ever so slowly...  
Seto was glaring at him.  
Honda flinched as he stared at the CEO, halfways sprawled on his ottoman, pinning him down with his icy gaze.  
And when the blue-eyed brunet rose his glass to his lips, drinking languidly, Honda couldn't help his knees from shaking miserably.

"Ganbarre, Honda-kun!" cheered Mokuba, compeletely destroying the moment.  
The aforementioned straightened, cleared his throat and sighed,

_Deep in my heart, there's a fire that's burnin' heart_  
_Deep in my heart, there's desire for a start_  
_I'm dying in emotion_  
_It's my world in fantasy_  
_I'm livin' in my, livin' in my dreams_

Watching Honda dance to the tune was akin to looking at a wound-up doll with serious motoric issues.  
Or a monkey having an epileptic seizure.

_You're my heart, you're my soul_  
_I keep it shining everywhere I go_  
_You're my heart, you're my soul_  
_I'll be holding you forever_  
_Stay with you together_

One hand outstretched towards Mokuba, the stocky brunet went for romantic.  
Schmaltzy was the word that came to mind first.

_You're my heart, you're my soul_

Gods, why did he needed to pitch that?  
Seto clenched his teeth almost as hard as his glass.

_Yeah, a feelin' that our love will grow_  
_You're my heart, you're my soul_  
_That is the only thing I really know_

Then he should know better than to sing.  
Or dance.  
Or breath.

_Let's close the door and believe my burnin' heart_  
_Feeling all right come on, open up your heart_  
_I'll keep the candles burning_  
_Let your body melt in mine_

He would melt _him_ down, if he ever thought of touching his little brother.  
Honda's eyes flickered over to Seto.  
Death glare.  
And then he caught Mokuba's dreamy stare.

_I'm livin' in my, livin' in my dreams_

Nightmare was a more befitting term, both Seto and Honda agreed mentaly.

_You're my heart, you're my soul_  
_I keep it shining everywhere I go_  
_You're my heart, you're my soul_  
_I'll be holding you forever_  
_Stay with you together_

Gahh, not again the pitch. Though he was obviously not the only one suffering, taken from the way Jounouchi pressed his hands against his ears.  
Naturally, the inu would react strongly to it, seeing how dogs had a much higher-

_You're my heart, you're my soul_  
_I keep it shining everywhere I go_  
_You're my heart, you're my soul_  
_I'll be holding you forever_  
_Stay with you together_

Fuck Jounouchi, he could actually feel his _teeth_ resonate from the screeches.  
In a fluid movement -considering his state of inebriation- he slid from is seat and moved to the karaoke machine.  
Calling up the menu, Seto changed the pitch from E minor to D minor.  
There, that would help.

_You're my heart, you're my soul_

His glass actually exploded, even as Yuugi-tachi went scurrying for cover as the blasters backcoupled in protest.  
Damn, _Dm_ not _Gm_ , Seto.

_Yeah, a feelin' that our love will grow_  
_You're my heart, you're my soul_  
_That is the only thing I really know_

The CEO breathed a sig of relief; much better.  
Actually, Honda almost sounded..decent. Kind of.  
Seto returned to his chair, sat down..  
Yep, that was definetly a minor heart attack he just experienced.

_You're my heart, you're my soul  
Yeah, a feelin' that our love will grow_

How-why was Mokuba clutching himself to Honda?  
Who was obviously trying to push the birthday boy away.  
Seto's vision turned red.  
Red with black flames.

_You're my heart, you're my soul  
That is the only thing I really know_

Honda's pitch returned, though this time in fear.  
Mokuba was firmly attached to him, purrying like a kitten and-  
oh Gods, was he on _sugar_?!?

_You're my heart  
Heart!_

'Yes, squeal like the pig you are', thought Seto, downing the rest of his bottle, before getting up and stalking over to the entirely terrified other brunet.

_You're my soul, yeah  
Soul!_

Seto grinned; when he was done, that would be all which remained of Honda Hiroto .  
Who had taken to feeping like a mouse; unable to run due to the fact that Mokuba had now firmly wrapped himself around is torso.  
And was rubbing his face rather affectionately into his sweaty sweater.  
Hiroto stood there, petrified, running on automatic.

 _That is the only thing I really know_  
_You're my heart, you're my soul_  
_Yeah, a feelin' that our love will grow_  
_You're my heart, you're my soul_  
_That is the only thing I really know_

And like that, the song ended.  
As did Honda's life.  
He could see it in Seto's eyes, when the taller brunet closed in on him, murder written all over his face.  
"Mnyyaaaaaaaaa!"  
Seto's eyes widened. Swallowing dryly, he chanced a glance at his younger brother...  
He actually jumped back; Mokuba's eyes were twice the size of Yuugi's, pupils widened to the point where the irises were but narrow rings and..that sick, unearthly, terrifying shine.  
Like sparkling unicorns and burning rainbows and shit.  
Schooling his features into a regal manner(and failing miserably) Seto asked,  
"Mokuba..?"  
The teenager smiled so brightly, both brunets actually turned their heads away from the blinding beam.  
"O-nii-saa~aaaan..."  
Seto shuddered at the tone. Trying to fight the streak of fear he felt, he replied,  
"Haaii..?"  
"May I keep him? Huh? Huh? Huh? Onegaaiiii!"  
Before either Seto nor Honda could open their mouths, Mokuba cheered,  
"I bet he would make for a good boy toy."  
At least Honda had the good grace to pass out on the floor.  
Seto just stared at his otoutou, tears welling up, and he gulped in sadness.  
Then he placed a hand on Mokuba's shoulder and used the Vulcan nerve pinch on him.

He came back from putting Mokuba to bed as the group just started on the second verse of YMCA.  
Not willing to dance along(also, why was his bottle empty?), he watched as the other five danced and chanted along to Jounouchi's lead.  
Five, because Honda was still unconcious.  
Or feigning.  
Or dead.  
He didn't care; he had people on his payroll who dealt with dead bodies(because _of cou-_ seriously..that goes without saying).  
Soon enough, the song and stomp came to an end, even as the nerd herd cheered and congratulated each other.  
Seto let out a sigh of relief.  
That had been..acceptable.  
Aside of the fact that his ears were now gushing with blood, but otherwise...  
"So, who won?" asked Anzu.  
Honda, who had regained conciousness, yawned.  
"Shirimasen, was anybody counting?"  
Wait, hadn't this been a contest of sorts?  
"Well, I didn't," laughed Yuugi.  
They. Were. Fucking. Kidding. Him.  
"Nyehh, if I had to give my vote, I'd say Kaiba won."  
Trust the mutt to be the most perceptive.  
Oh gods, was the blond _leering_ at him?  
"Let's agree we all won, ne?" Otogi stretched his arms.  
Absolutely inacceptable.  
Unison, his guests rounded in on him, Yuugi beaming,  
"Arigatou gozaimasu, ne, Seto-kun! That was really a great party!"  
"Indeed," smiled Anzu, "we should do this more often."  
He'd rather burn down the mansion himself.  
Otogi nudged him(ok, the shirt was a goner) and grinned,  
"Come on, Kaiba, agree you had fun, too."  
Seto gave tired sneer.  
"It..was _something_. Now, you have three minutes to leave the premises, before I let lose the hounds."  
Yuugi-tachi gaped, then broke into laughter.  
"Sheesh, Kaiba, the things you come up with! Never pegged you as a kidder!"

The only positive outcome from this night was that Nobu, Ran, Toku, Ashi and Momoko got a break from their usual guarding routine chasing after life game...

 

owari

 

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°  
And that's all she wrote. Yeah, having Mokuba mooning all over Honda was weird, since we all know the little tyke likes Jounouchi best. As for the guard dogs ~~-because of cou~~ I could just picture Yuugi-tachi running through the night, trying not to end up as dog chow(enter Seto stating something about Jounouchi and cannibalism).  
Naturally, I couldn't help but give the hounds meaningful names.

Nobu: Oda Nobunaga; one of the three unifiers of Japan(June 23, 1534–June 21, 1582)  
Ran: reference to the 1985 movie by the same title by Kurosawa Akira  
Toku: Tokugawa Ieyasu; second of the three unifiers of Japan (January 31, 1543 – June 1, 1616)  
Ashi: lake Ashi(Ashi-no-ko) community of Hakone, prefecture Kanagawa  
Momoko: peach blossom

 

Ja, minna-san, thanks for reading and hopefully I'll see you in my other fics.

Felidae


End file.
